Hello to all my followers of another world! I hope you enjoyed your day, because now it is time to be witness to The Mind Of Carnage!
Monday Night Raw took place in Toronto Ontario!! And Fuck was it Loud!!
So Edge hosted Raw and came out to a huge ovation from the Canadian audience. Black carpet in the ring, two chairs centered, looks like Cutting Edge came back for one night! Edge started it off saying that he was requested by Triple H to attend Raw and to have as his guest Randy Orton, because you know, “Its what’s best for business”. Edge decided against that, and got another guest, which the audience already knew who, because Torontonians can read people’s minds and always make them do as we want. Hypno!
Edge continued by stating that he himself wrote the Blueprint for Money in the Bank. That Orton is just Triple H’s lackey, and that the Shield are there to fight his battles. And I will say that Edge was an entertaining wrestler and no-one beats his put-downs and actions. But Edge introduced his guest, Daniel Bryan! Torontonians Agree!
Bryan’s music hits and the crowd goes crazy.. Torontonians Loud!
The goat faced man states that he sees satisfaction in his struggles. That no matter how many times Randy attacks him from the back. No matter how many times the Shield orgy attacks him from the side. Or even get a baby sized fist shoved down his throat. He knows that he will beat Randy Orton and that he will win the WWE Championship and have his way with it.. mmmm excited!
Orton’s music hits, and the cheeky-thigh man comes out to address not being a part of the Cutting Edge. Orton goes on saying that the only place that would give a crap about edge, is Canada; and that it was a shame his body failed him at such an early age. Edge retorts with a whopper! “I may have a problem with my spine, but at least I have one..” Wife: “Take That Bitch!!” Before Edge could continue on some insults on Hunter, the games music hits and Triple H stands on stage with Orton. “If you got something on your mind just let it out Edge”.
Edge has some bios opinions on Triple H, when he stated that he didn’t think Jericho, Cena, and Edge couldn’t make it in the business. And that Triple H’s nose is huge, but he has to look past it.
Hunter mention a promotion he had agreed to do with Edge’s comeback and he still did it. For Haven, on Sci fi channel.. Will you watch it? I know I won’t!
Triple H continues by saying that he was wrong of other people and they proved him wrong. Just as Cena did, just as Jericho did; and if Daniel Bryan wins the WWE championship, he will too. But there was one person that Triple H new would fail, and that was Edge!! FAIL!
Hunter decides to have a match, and no it didn’t include Edge because of his stack-of-dime spine. No, he put Daniel Bryan vs. Dean Ambrose as the main event. But he arranged to have Big Show at Daniels side while at the same time putting edge down for not being able to fight like a man. The crowd by this point began the “Asshole” chant! Edge came back by stating that he didn’t have to get married into success, he earned his HOF ring.. And that Hunter is not a Dictator, but just a Dick!! You’re a floppy bald Penis Hunter!! Floppy and Bald!
Triple H did say that if he couldn’t hurt Edge, he would hurt the closest thing to him.. Christian gets dragged out beaten, bruised, and humped near death!
This was a simple way of having Christian out of action for a bit, due to a concussion he received the prior week.
After the opening segment finished, Edge barges into Hunters office where Steph, the Shield, and Hunter were all hanging around with eachther. Triple H’s twinkle-toe group The Shield stand between them. Triple H claims that this is his town, his city, his show, and his property; and that Edge was to leave and not come back.. Like a dog who’s spilled the full turkey on the floor and pee’ed inside it.. Bad Edge!
Kofi Kingston vs. Curtis Axel (Rematch from Smack down)
So first as usual a rematch from Smack down, this time Axel seems more aggressive and wants to prove to Heyman that he can’t be beat. A few close-lines to both front and back of Kingston, some knees and dropkicks also. Near the ending Kofi was thrown in the corner, countered Axel’s attack and performed a obvious SOS that aloud Axel to reach for the ropes. Axel stops outside the ring for a breather. Heymans expression really shows his disapproval.
Axel lured Kofi back into the ring delivering a kick right to Kofi’s face leaving him in the corner. Axel begins stomping Kofi while in the corner. Kofi pulls himself to the middle turnbuckle when Axel begins driving his thigh into the back of Kofi’s head. Over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over… Disqualified!! and over and over and over and over and over.. Axel wants Kofi dead!
Kofi Wins by DQ
After Heyman speaks to Axel to remind him to stay focused and remember that he’ll be alone with Punk, that all this (Cheering Crowd) would be over. Axel being confident, set his eyes on the already vulnerable Kofi. He began to force Kofi up, when a surprise Trouble in Paradise to Axel’s head laid him out! Heyman face = Broken!
Raw Recap… Ohh look Big Show! WAAAA WAAA!
Booker T has some words with Show during the show. Reminding him of their background and that Booker T is old! Dam! “I was there when you started in this business”. Well now that we know that Booker and Big Show have some history together, lets remind Big Show that he needs to think of his daughter, his family if he was gone. Have you thought of them? Big Show? Have you thought of them?
Are you thinking of them now?
Whoa! Big Show relax, I’m on your side.. Relax!
Anyways lets continue now that he’s calmed down.. It’s Wyatt time! Yay?
Ziggler vs. Bray Wyatt
This was a new direction for Ziggler, and it wasn’t too bad. Bray had allot of moments where he stopped Zigglers momentum. Bray got Ziggler in a chock hold taking their times for a breather, Ziggler gets the advantage and does a running body splash to the corner and slap slap slap to Bray; followed by a neck breaker and a high elbow drop. Bray reverses as he gets up and tried for a back suplex, but Ziggler countered and delivered a nicely performed Fameasser on Bray. The Beard Brothers try and get involved, but Ziggler manages to overcome the distraction, but landed himself in a corner full of Bray. Bray performs Sister Abegail and ends it for a 1..2..3..
Bray Wins by pinfall.
And again they stand there overtop the bodies as Cannibals just rejoicing over their catch…!
Goldust Recap – The Bizarre one makes his appearance tonight! Will be win for Cody??? Huh??
I like Heyman bringing his own Doctor to Canada because he doesn’t trust our health care.. Is Canadian healthcare worse than Obamacare? Fuck! So Heyman tries to lie to get out of the NOC match against Punk, Obvious! Anyways, Heyman pretends to have a fractured knee based on his pumped personal doctor that travels whenever traveling out of the states. Saying “I am injured and I withdraw from competition”. So the child wearing Brad Maddox comes down with the WWE certified doctor. The same one that Heyman refused earlier. Brad says “That you can’t withdraw from the match due to Medical injury, unless a certified WWE doctor says so”. Heyman regretfully lifts his pant leg while sitting in the middle of the ring on a chair.. Just as the audience chanted, I though the same thing “This is awkward, this is awkward”. So he didn’t have an injured knee and the WWE doctor says that he should be ok to compete. Words were exchanged, Punks music hits, crowd goes nuts, Kendo stick starts swinging, Heyman starts running.. No injury! By the way, I loved the wack to Heymans doctors head with the Kendo Stick by Punk.. Doctor Out!
Layla, Askana, Alicia Fox vs. Natalya, Naomi, Brie Bella
AJ attended this match as an announcer. This match gathered some attention due to the fact that Natalya pretty much kicked ass in it. Simple wrestling by the other Divas, and Brie decided to withdraw her hand from Naomi’s tag, because you know she’s a whore! This though had Natalya come in and pretty much clean house. Making quick work of Layla and Askana, grabbing Alicia and performing the Sharpshooter and having Alicia Tap,Tap,Tap.
Natalya Team Wins by Submission
AJ stunned; walks off silent as her three competitors stand in the ring together starring her down.. And why was Brie always raising her arms in the air? Put’em down no one’s paying attention to you! FUCK! Ohh and AJ put Jerry down pretty nicely.. Advising that she was too old for him! Ha! He likes them under 25.. Doesn’t he have a girlfriend? Isn’t he too old? Isn’t his skin cracking and chipping off piece by piece?
Goldust! Re-Cap! He was a ridiculous character yet he never goes away.
R-Truth vs. Del Rio
This match started quick with Del Rio advancing on Truth. I did notice that throughout the match the crowd was chanting different slurs. It kind of distracted you in a way. But they exchanged multiple blows back and forth…. That sounds wrong. “This is awkward, This is awkward”. Eventually Del Rio delivered a second side kick to Truths head followed by a Cross-Arm breaker. And Tap Tap Tap we go for the win.
Del Rio Wins by Submission
Tag Team Tourmouil at NOC for the Unified tag Championships! Sounds good, my prediication will be the Price time players. WWE has pushed these guys for the obviouas reasons but whatever, if they win I won’t complain. (Prime Time Players vs The Usos vs The Real Americans vs Tons of Funk vs 3MB)
Cesaro vs Santino Marella
Santino recieved a huge reaction from the Toronto Crowd. Torontonians!!
The match was short but had a crazy 40 second Giant swing to Santino! See for your selves:
Cesaro continued his rampage after the dizzying swing, which by the way didn’t even seem to faze Cesaro! After some comical routines, Santino ended up surprising Cesaro with a roll-up and got the 1..2..3
Santino Marella Wins by Pin
You know Cesaro is actually talented in the ring. I find it kind of crappy how his character lately has been surfing on a losing streak for the last little bit. Maybe soon the WWE will notice the ability of Cesaro and utilize him. My opinion is that this guy will make it.. To the top.. And become Triple H’s Face of the Company.. You never know.
Sandow comes out to address the WWE. Pretty much spitting some crap about the MITB case, but initally identifying himself as the Uncrowned World Heavyweight Champion. No one Cares!
Damean Sandow vs. The Miz
Ohh look Cats! Sorry this match is too boring.
Miz gets boo’ed by the crowd.. Love being a Torontonian! Cats!
Sandow and Miz are so booring the crowd even had to entertain themselves. Cats!
Wow that ones dumb..
Anyways, Fandango distracts Miz and Sandow takes advantage with a rollup, and gets the 1..2..3
Damean Sandow Wins by Pinfall
Next is the Orton Match, and as you all know my wife is so excited!
Randy Orton vs. Goldust
Goldust, is doesn’t matter how long this guys out. Whenever he comes back he gives a good show. He’s still impressively quick and accurate. This Gold hassn’t dimmed! Goldust held his own and gave Orton a beat down, in which made my wife was very happy. Orton though comes back with a eye poke. The action moved to the outside where Goldust got a reverse back suplex on the padded barrier.. Main word “Padded”. More like Extremly padded.
Goldust had a moment of excitment though when a reversed RKO into the Crossroads connected and Goldust got the 1..2.. Ohhh!! Randy catches Goldust with a rollup and gets the 1..2…Ohh!! They both get to there feet where Goldust misses with the closeline and recieves an RKO to the face! Orton gets the 1..2..3.
Randy Orton Wins by Pin.
I will say that even though we havnt seen Goldust compete for 3 years, he gave a good showing. Wife: “FUCK YOU ORTON, YOU DOUCHEBAGE”
Steph stopped Goldust in the back and pretty much blatantly told him he failed and that he’s a loser. Failed his brother, and that he let everyone down. Goldust cries into the sunset..
RVD vs. Ryback
This match was odd because there were many moments where Ryabck seemed to not know how, and where to position RVD for any moves. I think he made RVD bend over, then twist, and then bend more all at the same time. Ryback was very un-cordinated on Raw. RVD though delivered his signature Rolling Thunder, though by the end Ryback got a shellshock on a distracred RVD and got the 1..2..3.
Ryback Wins by Pin
Once again we get to see Steph. This time pretty much saying that Big Show cannot touch the Shield. If one finger by the big Show touches the shield, he would be fired. Show! Are you thinking of your family?
Dean Amborse vs Daniel Bryan
The main event! The Last Macth! The Last Time you can get off your ass and piss! Jesus, Go Piss!
I’ve noticed that even though Ambrose may not be fast, he’s has a very rough style of fighting in the ring. It’s different. It’s refreshing.
Daniels begins his offensive attack with some quick kicks to Ambrose’s back and knee to the face. Daniel keeps the action floowing, grounding Ambrose and twisting him as a preztel. For Daniel it seems that once his oppenants are on the floor, Daniel just takes over. Ambrose manages to get the upper hand and throws Daniel out of the ring. The action continued outside the ring with Ambrose taking advantage. But Daniel still comes back with kicks-galor! Daniel even performed a Hurricanrana from the top rop once they were back in the ring. Daniel got the Yes-Lock on Ambrose, but Ambrose manages to reach the ropes. The kicking barrage continues on Ambrose, with a swift reversal on Bryans running corner dropkick. Ambrose gets the rollup and gets the 1..2..Ohh!! Daniel eventually got thrown out the ring again. Ambrose distracting the referee allows Roman to try for the spear. Daniel side steps and makes Roman slam right into the steps; followed by side stepping Seth Rollins into the announcer table face first.. Ambrose takes advantage of the distracted Bryan and closelines him in the back of the head and spike DDT’s him on the outside mats. Ohh and Big Show is in Daniels corner this whole tiem doing nothing.. Becuase he can’t.. you know fired and all… Maybe he can get a hot dog this time.
Ambrose gets Daniel Bryan into the ring after the outside DDT and gets the 1..2..Ohh!! Ambrose fraustrated yells at Daniel to “Stay Down! Stay Down! Stay Down! St..” You get the point. The breather allows Daniel to get a small Package on Ambrose and gets the 1..2..3!!
Daniel Bryan Wins by Pin
While celebrating Ambrose goes for spear but Daniel Side Steps yet again and send Ambrose into the rest of the Shield! Celebration Continues!
Orton though decides to show his face! And blind sides Bryan. Big Show unable to do anything tries to walk out, but Hunter and Steph want him to knock out Bryan once again just as he did last week. Big Show returns back into the ring reluctantly, as Orton holds Daniel up awaiting for the Fist of Fury. Big Show doesn’t want to. Orton throws Daniel away and yells and yells at Big Show to do this.. To think of his family, to do the right thing, to do this for his job. As Orton turns to retrieve Daniel; BOOM Running knee to Randy’s Head!! Everyone’s going nuts!!! AHHHH! Daniel Bryan finally stands above Orton and Celebrates with the WWE Championship. Will Daniel win this Sunday at Night of Champions? We’ll just have to wait and see. My prediction is that he will not win this Sunday.. He will eventually, but not this Sunday.
That was my Rant. It’s once again late! Darn you life! But I have done it! I will try and post what I can, when I can, and if I can.. And I’m amazed that Triple H Law didn’t go into effect today (No superstars on stage).
Thank you all for readying and have yourselves a great hump-day! Or Wednesday to you un-humpy people. Also!! If you wish for your life to be complete, watch this:
You’re completed huh? I told you, now you know.
What does the Fox say?!