Author: Cade Carnage
Venue: Austin, TX
Welcome my War Gods to Raw’s Christmas special where tonight we may witness Christmas being cancelled!! What, you heard me cancelled!! Tonight we will see Mark Henry (Good Santa) vs. Damien Sandow (Bad Santa) for the sake of Christmas!! OMG, my imagination is going wild!!
Let’s begin this Christmas special Santa battle where Christmas is on the line!!
Side note: I’ve attached some available video’s just in case you prefer to watch those other then reading my ‘WTF’ writing… I don’t blame you..
Raw begins with Mark Henry and Damien Sandow in there Santa outfits, reading a poem which hurts my head.. This is going to be way-to child friendly. I don’t know how I’m going to last this show..
Triple H, Steph, and Kane begin the show by walking to the ring, and with them they have a small individual holding a hat where Kane begins reaching in and handing out candy to the kids. He reaches a older kid and throws a few more candy his way, aggressively.
Triple H begins by welcoming everyone to Raw and to the holidays. He introduces the Bad vs. Good Santa match just as Steph introduces a 6 man tag match between The Wyatt’s vs. The Rhodes brothers and Daniel Bryan. Triple H then announces the main event; The Shield vs. Big E, CM Punk, and Cena; and just as Triple H was going to end the segment, Randy Orton’s music hits.
Orton takes the mic and wishes everyone a merry Christmas and a happy holiday. He thanks Steph and Triple H for the support while he fought for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. He tells everyone that he is in a giving mood and is giving everyone a special gift, which is he the world heavyweight championship. He thanks Triple H for giving him the day off and all hug each other. Kane gets the last say telling everyone to “have a good night” just as he lifts his arms and sets off his pyro.
Announcers: Introduce a 12 diva jingle bell match..
12 Diva Jingle bell match..
Every Diva other then Jojo and Rosa Mendez are in this match just as AJ sits announcing. All the divas are wearing some type of festive outfit, even Vickie Guerrero is in this match downing some white coat jacket…
In the end, after Natalya’s team does a sad running move which the audience really didn’t like; Natalya locks in the sharpshooter to Aksana and makes her tap.
Winners: Funkadactyls, The Bella’s, Eva Maria, Natalya
That was a horrible experience..
Here’s the match if you really want to see it.
Curtis Axel vs. Sin Cara.
The bell rings and both just go back and forth until Sin Cara gets a hurricane-rana and tosses Axel out of the ring. Sin Cara tries for a springboard maneuver but Axel trips him up and throws him off the apron. He lifts Sin Cara and slams his back against the Steel pole and throws him back into the ring allowing him to lock in a bear hug. Sin Cara gets to his feet but Axel Irish whips him in the corner which allows Sin Cara to counter and get a 2 count. Axel stops his momentum by dropkicking Sin Cara in the face. He locks in another bear hug and grounds the action. Sin Cara fights out and throws Axel to the outside and lands a springboard cross body where he lands hard on his back. Cara gets to his feet and rolls Axel back into the ring. He delivers a springboard close line into a pin for the 2 count. Cara gets a running hurricane-rana and a springboard elbow for another 2 count. Sin Cara tries for a suplex but Axel counters and gets a close line to the back of the head for a 2 count. Axel tries to punch Sin Cara, but Sin Cara ducks and slams Axel down and lands his top rope senton bomb for the 1..2..3!
Winner: Sin Cara
Announcers: Recap Smackdown where the Shield went 3-on-1 against Cena and Punk.
Backstage: A Santa segment where Damien is Bad Santa.. Horrible!
Video: OMG, I just saw Big Show in a diaper! WTF! He’s our New Year baby for next Raw! Please Stop, he’s dancing and squeezing juice from a bottle on someone’s face! This is disturbing!
Video: Batista Returns on Raw January 20th!! Hell Ya, the animal returns!
Segment: Showing Wade Barrett standing outside ringing the bell on the sidewalk asking people to give generously for Christmas.
Video: recapping the Wyatt’s and Daniel Bryans feud.
The Rhodes & Daniel Bryan vs. The Wyatt’s
Erick and Cody start things off, but it’s Erick who gets the upper hand landing a hard kick and a few punches to Cody’s midsection. Cody counters and lands a second rope axe handle and tags in Goldust who lands a forearm for the 2 count. He locks in an arm lock to Erick but he fights out, but Goldust still keeps the heat on allowing Bryan to tag in. Bryan connects a few kicks to Erick and tags in Cody who throws a few punches and tags in Goldust. Just as Goldust locks in the neck lock, Erick pushes him to the Wyatt’s corner where Luke tags in and delivers a punch to the gut. He lands a few more and begins beating on Goldust’s head. He throws him to the opposite corner where Goldust counters and gets Luke in a neck lock. Cody tags in and connects a dropkick taking Luke down. Bryan tags in and again connects a few punches until Luke stops him with a hard punch. Luke takes Bryan to the corner, but he counters his advancement and hangs Luke upside down in the corner. Bryan connects a few kicks followed by a running dropkick. Luke comes loose and drags himself into the Wyatt’s corner where Bryan stands starring them down leading the YES, YES, YES chants as we cut to commercials.
We return to Erick beating down on Cody Rhodes and locking in a neck lock. The crowd gets behind Cody as he makes it back to his feet, but Erick picks him up and runs him into the Wyatt’s corner where Luke tags in. Luke lands a running close line and rolls Cody around in his gator lock. Cody once again uses the momentum and gets back to his feet, Luke runs the ropes but Cody also ran them getting behind Luke and landing a close line. He tags in Goldust who connects a running close line and his signature punches in the corner. Luke gets the upper hand on Goldust just as he was distracted by Erick which allows Bray to tag in. Bray gets aggressive with Goldust landing punches and a fast running close line in the corner. Bray yells at him as he tags in Luke Harper. Luke slowly beats down on Goldust until he fights out and tries for a tag. He almost reaches Cody but Luke hits Bryan and Cody off the apron and runs Goldust back into the Wyatt’s corner. Erick tags in and lands a dropping elbow and a few kicks to Goldust. Goldust again tries to fight back but Erick once uses his size and lifts Goldust onto his shoulders running him into the corner. He locks in the claw and throws him across the ring. Erick tags in Luke who tries to wear Goldust down some more, but he counters and lands a spinning power bomb grounding the action and allowing Goldust to tag in Daniel Bryan just as Erick tags in. Bryan connects his kicks and hangs Erick on the ropes. He takes Erick to the corner and lands 2 of his running dropkicks followed by a few kicks to the chest. Erick throws him away but Daniel comes back dropkicking his legs and completing his signature chest kicks. He goes to the top and lands his flying head butt just as Bray comes in to interfere; but Bryan see’s him and stops him landing a few punches. Bray runs to the outside and Bryan follows only to be stopped by Erick Rowan who rolled out as we cut to commercials.
Bryan is in a bear hug by Luke Harper as we return from commercials. He fights out but Luke stops him with a huge forearm. Bray finally tags in and starts slapping Bryan around yelling “Common Bryan!” Bryan does get some hits on Bray but he stops him quickly and attacks him with a few punches. Luke tags in and connects a few kicks and punches just wearing Bryan down. Erick tags in and scoop slams and drops an elbow on Daniel Bryan, leading him to lock in a neck hold. Bryan fights out and delivers a spinning DDT allowing him time to tag in Cody. He comes in with a springboard dropkick followed by a kick to Luke’s head. He rolls Luke up for a 1 count, but just as he gets up Cody manages to land a disaster kick and a moon-sault. Bray interferes in the count and runs Goldust off the apron. He doesn’t notice Bryan climbing the ropes and delivers a flying missile dropkick to Bray taking him to the outside. Bryan lands a suicide dive and begins beating down on Bray. Erick grabs Bryan and throws him against the barricade. Back in the ring, Cody lands a disaster kick to Luke, but apparently and somehow Bray is the legal man and runs in, connecting sister Abigail to Cody Rhodes for the 1..2..3!
Winners: The Wyatt Family.
After the match the Wyatt’s continue to beat down on Goldust and Cody leaving Bryan in the ring by himself as they make their way to the rocking chair up the ramp watching him, laughing.
Video: Good Santa (Mark Henry) doing a promo speaking to a child saying that he doesn’t want Christmas to be cancelled… Please kill me…
Announcers: Showing us what Bad New Barrett is doing on the streets where he is ringing the bell asking people to give generously, all the proceeds go to a charity..
In Ring Segment: Renee introduces a Christmas singing contest. First up is R-Truth and Xavier Woods, who on a good day sounds like nails on a chalk board. Jinder and Drew are next who go back and forth singing Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells… Omg how are they worse!! Santino and Khali are the last singers, and perform a duet singing “Deck the Halls”, well it was somewhat better.. Khali just wanted to say Falalalala-lala-la-la…
Winners: Great Khali and Santino Marella..
If you really want to watch it:
After the singing segment, Drew and Jinder attacks them from the back but Truth and Xavier take them out of the ring. After all that Santino thanks everyone and leads a Happy New Year song.. Horrible!
Fandango vs. Dolph Ziggler (Christmas Present on a Pole Match)
That’s right Christmas Present on a pole match, where you must reach for your present and work for your love.. Work for it bitches! The present is for an Intercontinental championship match next week on Raw.
The bell rings and both competitors try to climb over each other to get to it until Fandango gets angry and starts beating down on Ziggler. Ziggler connects a fast dropkick and goes for the present. Fandango stops him and hangs him on the top rope landing punch after punch. Ziggler finally jumps down back on his feet where Fandango lands a knee to his face. Fandango begins the climb up, but Ziggler stops him and throws him back down onto the mat. Ziggler throws a few punches and Irish whips Fandango in the opposing corner. Ziggler goes up for the present but Fandango catches him in a power bomb hold. Ziggler fights out and rolls out connecting a fame-asser. He climbs again very slowly, but Fandango comes from behind and pushes Ziggler over the ropes to the outside, just as he throws himself to the outside also due to the momentum. They both try to climb back up to the present but Fandango lands a fast kick to the head and begins climbing Ziggler to get to the present. Ziggler fights back and tosses Fandango on the rope, but again Fandango pushes Ziggler off the ropes and has him landing on the steel steps allowing Fandango to reach and take the present.
Winner: Fandango (Number 1 contender for the Intercontinental Champion next Raw)
Promo: Prime Time Players ask everyone in Austin Texas to do the “Millions of Dollars” Dance. Just as Darren accidentally calls Dallas TX, Houston TX.. HE SCREWED UP!!
Prime Time Players vs. The Usos
Titus and Jay start things off with a clinch but quickly get reversed by Titus due to his size. A quick handshake gets them into another clinch. Jay runs the ropes and tries for a cross body, but Titus catches him and just tosses him to his side. Darren tags in and both connect the dual suplex on Jay for a 2 count. Darren goes for a close line but Jay counters and tags in Jimmy. He keeps Darren down with an arm lock and continuous arm drags. Jay tags in and again keeps Darren in an arm lock making Darren say “This isn’t Houston.” Jimmy tags in again and a few more arm locks and arm drags keep Darren down. He fights out and connects a northern light suplex for a 2 count. He throws some punches and connects a nice close line taking Jimmy down. A forearm to Jimmy gets him bouncing off the ropes allowing Jay to get the blind tag. Darren connects a belly to belly to Jimmy but Jay rolls him up for a 2 count. Jay connects his hip attack on Darren. Titus comes in to interfere but Jay counters taking Titus over the ropes. Jay connects a super kick to Darren and tags in Jimmy who puts on a Rudolph red nose and connects the top rope body splash for the 1..2..3!
Winners: The Usos
In the end both Usos and Prime Time Players do the Millions of Dollars Dance. Good sportsmanship.
Announcers: Hyping the Santa vs Santa match.. And just a note, Michael Cole decided to scream out “Pull it Out Santa! Pull it Out!!” Cole, that doesn’t sound right for a Christmas special…
Mark Henry (Good Santa) vs. Damien Sandow (Bad Santa)
Carful Santa doesn’t pull it out in front of the children, cover your eyes, and wear a rain jacket!
Henry starts beating on Damien’s back and takes him to the mat. He goes to one corner where he lifts the box and unveils the toilet. He drags Damien there and scrubs his face against the very clean toilet. Damien rolls to the outside and just as Henry gets behind him he pulls out a Fire Extinguisher trying to use it on Henry. He doesn’t get it started and Mark comes there pushing him away, showing Bad Santa that you have to pull the pin. Damien rolls to the stage and begins to destroy the tree and Christmas decorations. He attacks Henry with a kendo stick but Henry fights back and stops Damien with a hard punch rolling him back to ringside. They both get back to the ring, where Damien gets the advantage and tries to use the fire extinguisher, but again cant us it. Henry stops him and grabs the item himself and uses the fire extinguisher on Damien. Just as Bad Santa is blinded, he grabs him and connects the world’s strongest slam for the 1..2..3!
Winner: Good Santa Mark Henry
Yay, Christmas is saved.. Whoop-dee-Fucking-doo! After the match Henry opens up a box with tarts and pushes them against Damien’s face.. Screw you Santa!
Backstage interview: Renee Young interviews Punk and asks him what his plan is for tonight’s main event will be. Punk did something that he’s never really done; he asked for help. He introduces his partners Big E Langston, who states “I hand out Beatings tonight”; he then calls in Cena who acts like Hulk Hogan. Very pumped, and walking in front of the camera. Cena fights up his group getting them pumped for their match against the shield. In the end all three hold up the fists together mocking the Shield as Big E claims “Believe in that!”
In Ring Promo: The Real Americans are in the ring with Zeb who claims that Santa is an immigrant. The Big difference between Santa and the audience member is that Santa only comes once a year and stays for one night, unlike the immigrants in the crowd who stay for far too long.
The Real Americans vs. Los Matadores
Ok, I’ve made it a statement to not detail the Matadores matches, nothing personal but I find that they do the same thing; and I need a break.. I’m human I need to rest my eyes. I’ll address any actions in point form if their important. Here we go:
- Fernando throws Cesaro around with Hurrican-rana’s.
- Cesaro catches Fernando for a giant swing and gets 23 rotations.
- Diego does a switch with Fernando and almost pins Cesaro.
- Swagger gets caught in a top rope moon sault for a 2 count.
- Cesaro throws Fernando into the barricade.
- El Torito gores Cesaro’s penis.
- Diego connects a cross body on Swagger for the 1..2..3!
Winners: Los Matadores
Video: Recapping Last Smackdown when Big E helped Cena and Punk.
Kofi Kingston vs. Ryback
Ohh look, Kofi gets to be beaten down by a walking vertically challenged bull dozer. What a wonderful present!
The bell rings and both clinch up and just as you would imagine, Ryback throws Kofi to the mat. Kofi though fights back throwing punches and kicks, countering a back drop into a dropkick, and landing a running dropkick taking Ryback to the outside. Ryback argues with the ref on the apron just as Kofi drop kicks him to ring side. He runs the ropes and flips from the ring to the outside onto Ryback. Ryback runs back into the ring and Kofi follows only to be close lined over the top rope to the outside. Ryback tosses him back into the ring, and Irish whips Kofi into a corner hard. Ryback begins stomping on Kofi and slaps his chest not once, but twice. He gets Kofi into a bear hug, only to have him break out and run the ropes for a cross body. Ryback catches him and sets him up for a suplex and connects for a 2 count. He goes to the second rope and tries to connect an axe handle, but Kofi lifts his feet and dazes Ryback. Kofi runs to the corner and springboards himself into a dropkick taking Ryback off his feet; and connects a few kicks to his head. Kofi connects the boom drop and tries to go for a running move but Ryback counters using his body as a wall. He runs for the meat hook, but Kofi ducks between the ropes in the corner and kicks Ryback in the head. He connects a high springboard cross body for the 2 count. Ryback manages to connect his meat hook followed by his shell-shock for the 1..2..3!
Segment: Bad News Barrett tells everyone that he has been out all day raising money for good reason. He has raised thousands of dollars so everyone should celebrate. But wait, Barrett isn’t affiliated with any charities and therefore will be taking all that money home with him.. Good time at the Barrett Household!
Backstage: The Shield cut a promo where they tell everyone that Punk has three thrones (The Shield) at his side. There’s no point considering the Shield has left everyone down and out. As for Big E, “he’s swimming in the deep end with the sharks with a bull’s-eye on his back”.. Let me tell you, that’s quite a pool. “Believe that, and believe in the Shield”.
John Cena, CM Punk, Big E Langston vs. The Shield
Dean and Cena start things off with the usual “Let’s go Cena, Cena sucks” from the audience. They both clinch up where Cena lands a hard shoulder and makes Dean tag out to Seth Rollins. Seth goes straight for the punches, but ends up getting Cena’s fists and shoulders followed by the usual backdrop and 5 knuckle shuffle. Seth rolls out before he could connect and slaps the apron as if he’s pissed off. He comes back in and tags in Roman Reigns. The crowd chant “Big E”, as both starts pushing each other around. Cena runs the ropes but Roman catches him in a Samoan drop for a 2 count. Roman stomps away on Cena as we cut to commercials.
We return to Seth stomping away on Cena in the corner. Seth goes to the second ropes, and connects a rolling neck breaker for a 2 count. Seth tags in Dean Ambrose and he just keeps punching away at Cena’s head just keeping him down, yet that doesn’t always work as Cena begins punching his way back to his feet. Cena runs the ropes but Dean catches him in a choke hold. The crowd gets behind Cena as he reaches to Punk and Ambrose climbs his back. Cena over powers and manages to tag in Punk as Dean was still in the hold. Punk comes in and takes out Roman in the corner and takes Dean to the outside. He runs the ropes and connects the suicide dive and rolls Dean back into the ring to deliver his corner knee to the face. He goes for the elbow drop but Seth distracts him allowing Dean to kick Punk off the apron to the outside where Punk may have tweaked his arm. Dean goes to the outside and suplex’s Punk on the mats and rolls him back into the ring. Dean pounds away on him and tags in Seth who does the same thing throwing punch after punch to his head. Seth takes Punk into the corner hard yelling at him, and taunting him. As the ref is distracted with Cena, Seth connects multiple stomps against Punks chest. Seth goes for another Irish whip, but Punk counters taking Seth into the corner hard. Seth tags in Dean where he cuts Punk off and pushes against him not allowing a tag. He connects a few gut punches and throws Punk into the Shields corner. Roman tags in and connects a hard shoulder thrust standing above Punk smiling towards Cena and Big E. He pushes Punk around, which allows Punk to show some type of life. He throws a few punches and runs the ropes right into the bear hug from Roman Reigns. Punk elbows away at his head, but Roman lifts him up and connects a hard belly-to-belly for a 2 count. He connects a jumping elbow drop for another 2 count. Roman tags in Seth who comes in stomping on Punk and locking in a mid section leg lock to wear him down. The crowd begins chanting “Let’s go Punk” which seems to help and allows Punk to fight out of it and connects a back drop to Seth. Dean tags in and runs Cena off the apron and punches Big E. Big E tries to come in but he distracts the ref, and on the outside Roman runs against Cena and spears him. Back into the ring Dean gets Punk up to his feet but gets a side head kick. Roman tags in and tries for a cross body which Punk side stepped and tags in Big E who just dominates the Shield. Big E takes Roman out of the ring, throwing Ambrose and Seth onto each other and connecting his big splash on both of them. Eventually Dean Ambrose tags in but Big E didn’t see it, he goes for the big ending on Seth but throws him off when Dean comes in; he lifts Dean up, but gets a kick to the head by Seth Rollins. Dean pins and Cena breaks the pin. Cena tries to AA Dean but Roman runs in and spears Cena again. CM Punk springboards in and connects his close line to Roman Reigns taking him to the outside. Big E Lands the big ending on Dean Ambrose for the 1..2..! Both members of the Shield break the count and for some reason the ref asks for the bell.
Winners: Cena, Big E, and CM Punk by DQ
After the match the Shield begins beating up on Big E and tries for the triple power bomb. Cena pulls Roman out of the ring and throws him into the barricade. Inside the ring, Big E connects a double close line on Dean and Seth. Cena and Punk grab them and connect the AA and GTS simultaneously.
We end Raw with Cena, Punk, and Big E Langston standing in the ring victorious.
Happy Holidays People! We didn’t lose Christmas today and frankly my brain is dead from all this bad acted Christmas Special.
Cause Carnage, Watch Wrestling!